But I’m done with professional baseball. Not like “I’m mad at you but I’ll be back next year.” Not “I can’t believe you did that, I’m going golfing and I’ll be back for dinner.” Not even “I’m going to my mother’s, we’ll sort this thing out later.” Pure, flat out “done.” No mas, por favor, if you’re reading this, David Ortiz. Thanks.

Am I overreacting to the news that came out about Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz being named to the Mitchelle report list of names?

Maybe. But now, I can’t trust anybody. Earlier in the season, when Big Papi was Big Floppy (creative, I know. I worked on that one all night) and took nearly half of the season to find his second homerun, I credited him for being “in a slump.” A 75 game long, embarrasing slump. Yes, I was giving him THAT much credit.

But then it happened. Then someone with Mitchell report inside information clobbered Man-Ram and Papi. Now, we already knew Man-Ram was a ‘roider - he’d already sat down for his 50 earlier this season.

But not only did I give Papi credit for being in a long, long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long slump - but I believed him. I had heard him step out so many times and have the stones to say “screw ‘roiders,” that I HAD to believe that he wasn’t juicing. Right? RIGHT?!

Numbers:

Look at the red outlines. The numbers. Oh, numbers speak volumes, no? (Thanks to ESPN.)

Anyway, I’ve got to call it a “fandom career” for baseball. I can’t trust anyone. This isn’t melodramatic: they could release the 101 remaining names on the Mitchell report and there isn’t a single one of them I’d be shocked by. None, not a one. And do you know how sad that is?

If you walked into a business and looked around, and realized you couldn’t trust a single member of that business - from the boss to the janitor - you’d walk out. If you went into a restaurant and the waiter and the cooks all looked shady, you’d bail. So why in the world am I going to keep watching a game where everytime someone comes to the plate, I think he’s probably cheating? Every time someone knocks one deep, I can’t help but think the guy’s a cheater. It’s unfair. It’s unhealthy. And it’s 100% accurate.

R.I.P., Rob’s fan-dom of baseball
1987-2009

Rob Brown General

If you’ve been wondering which SEC coach selected Ole Miss QB Jevan Snead as the first team all-SEC quarterback over Florida’s all-world Terrific Timmy Tebow, wonder no more.

It was the ol’ Ball Coach.

But it’s not what you think.  South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier said that one of his staff filled out the ballot before Spurrier rubber-stamped it following a perfunctory look.  Spurrier said:

“I take full responsibility.  I’m embarrassed about it, I feel badly about it … I apologize to Tim Tebow.”

Spurrier went on to say that he believes Tebow is one of the best quarterbacks in Florida history.

Putting his calling card where his mouth is, Spurrier followed up with call to the SEC offices to ask that his ballot be changed to include Tebow as the first-team quarterback, that his first ballot was a mistake.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming this was, in fact, an innocent mistake, the ol’ Ball Coach still knows how to steal the spotlight.  You gotta love him for that.

~ Smokey Joe

Joe Mayes Florida, General, SEC, South Carolina

College football in the Southeastern Conference has grown to the point where it is now more than simply an assemblage of schools unified in their desire to excel on the field.  No longer is attending an SEC game a quaint, family experience.

The SEC has gone corporate.  Big corporate.

So the conference’s simple, once-dignified designation now seems somehow archaic and inadequate.  In an attempt to reflect the new college football reality in the southeastern United States, the following are suggested as alternatives for The Conference Formerly Known As SEC (TCFKAS):

-          SESPNEC:  Obviously, TCFKAS has sold its collective soul to the monolithic media monster from Bristol, Connecticut.  It only makes sense for the names to be imbedded as a reflection of how deeply the two organizations are in bed together.

-          NFDL:  College degrees?  Really?  That’s what elite athletes are looking for when they to matriculate at a TCFKAS institution?  C’mon…let’s call this conference what it really is.  The National Football Developmental League.

-          CSCI (Collection of Southeastern Correctional Institutions):  Given the rate of criminal activity among players in TCFKAS football programs, some recognition of the special needs of these troubled yoots is in order.  The fundamental question about these programs has changed from “education or athletics” to “rehabilitation or punishment.”

-          The TAA (Tebow Athletic Association):  Was there any doubt this was going to show up at some point?  Changing to this name will require a unanimous vote of TCFKAS coaches, meaning this change will not occur until/unless the head coach is replaced in Columbia, SC.

Of course, work is still in the developmental stages.  Nominations are still being accepted.  Drop a comment or an email with your suggestion.

See you ‘round campus.

~ Smokey Joe

Joe Mayes SEC

By now, we all know that Tim Tebow was a near unanimous selection as first-team All-SEC quarterback.  Ole Miss signal caller Jevan Snead received two coaches’ votes, one from Florida coach Urban Meyer and one from…

Well, that’s the question, isn’t it?

Coaches are not allowed to vote for their own players so 11 of 12 votes is considered unanimous.  Meyer’s vote for Snead wasn’t a big surprise.  But which other coach thought Ole Miss was in better hands than the Gators?

Lane Kiffin immediately jumps to mind but he insisted on Tuesday that his ballot was for Tebow.

Below (in alphabetical order) are the SEC coaches’ votes for preseason All-SEC first-team quarterback:

1.      Rich Brooks (Kentucky):  Tebow

2.      Gene Chizik (Auburn):  UNKNOWN

3.      Bobby Johnson (Vanderbilt):  Tebow

4.      Lane Kiffin (Tennessee):  Tebow

5.      Urban Meyer (Florida):  Snead

6.      Les Miles (LSU):  Tebow

7.      Dan Mullen (Mississippi State):  Tebow

8.      Houston Nutt (Mississippi):  Tebow

9.      Bobby Petrino (Arkansas):  Tebow

10.  Mark Richt (Georga):  Tebow

11.  Nick Saban (Alabama):  Tebow

Hmmm…who’d I miss?

Oh, yeah:

12.  Steve Spurrier (South Carolina):  UNKNOWN

You don’t suppose the ol’ ball coach took this as an opportunity to poke his former employer in the metaphorical eye, do you?

Which SEC coach do you think was the culprit?

~ Smokey Joe

Joe Mayes Florida, General, SEC

It’s finally happened.  It was only a matter of time before someone devised a way to stop Touchdown Timmy Tebow in his tracks.

But instead of Nick Saban, Steve Spurrier, or Lane Kiffin, turns out the culprit comes from outside the Southeastern Conference.

Sports Illustrated has apparently decided the best way to knock the Gators off their preseason perch is to splash young Mister Tebow’s grimacing visage across the cover of its July 27 magazine. 

The SI Cover Jinx© will almost certainly derail Tebow’s season and, with it, the hopes and dreams of Gator fans across Alachua County.

Or will it?

Even if SI’s nefarious intent bears fruit, will the Gators be doomed in 2009 without Timmy Terrific?

In the familiar (to college football fans) words of Lee Corso, not so fast, my friends.

As wonderful as Tebow has been for the Gators and all of college football, and given that he is the unquestioned leader on- and off the field, he ranks as merely the second best quarterback on his own squad.

Before he arrived on the Florida campus, Tebow held the Florida state record for most career touchdown passes with 95.

That record was broken by Gator backup quarterback John Brantley, who threw for 99 on his way to being named the 2006 Gatorade High School Player of the year.

But my contention that Brantley is a better quarterback (not necessarily athlete) than Tebow is based not on stats or past performance.  It’s based on two things:

My eyes.

Before last fall’s Florida-Florida State game at Doak Campbell, I stood on the sidelines (gotta love press credentials) and watched the two young men throw the football.  There was no comparison.  Brantley’s passes were crisper and more on-target than Tebow’s.  Not a single time did a receiver have to slow down or adjust a route to catch a Brantley pass.  Same can’t be said for Tebow.

Additionally, Brantley’s faster than Tebow, having clocked 4.65 seconds in the 40 compared to Tebow’s 4.7.  Of course, at 215 pounds he won’t be the bull-rusher that Tebow is at nearly 240 but he’s plenty nimble and as the spring practices showed, Brantley keeps his eyes downfield while moving in the pocket instead of pulling the ball down and bulling through linebackers.  You know…like a real quarterback does.

So fear not, Gator “nation.”  If, as history might indicate, the SI Cover Jinx© does what SEC (and Ohio State) coaches couldn’t — turn Touchdown Timmy into a clipboard carrying cheerleader — the orange and blue will be in good hands.  John Brantley is not only a serviceable backup; he’s actually the better overall quarterback than Tim Tebow.

If only the Gators’ fans will take off their #15-colored glasses long enough to see the truth.

See you ’round campus.

~ Smokey Joe

Joe Mayes General

Saints’ head coach Sean Payton is this week’s guest writer, filling in for Peter King during the latter’s annual four-week break from SI.com.  Payton had this to say about the Emerald Coast:

If you’re looking for the best sand beaches in America, look no further than the Fort Walton beaches along Florida’s panhandle. They are fantastic. Our family has vacationed here the past five years. I am actually typing feverishly to meet my deadline as I sit on my porch overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. Plenty of sunshine and not overly crowded. If you like getting in crystal clear water, swimming and surfing, you will love this spot. The water temperature is perfect, high 70s, low 80s. A great place to visit and I use it to unwind before the rigors of the 24-7 NFL season.

So the next time you’re complaining about the tourist traffic, you have Payton to thank.

Just a little reminder that while it may be a bit routine for us, this area remains a vacation destination of choice for a lot of people.

Keep bringin’ them tourist $$$!

~ Smokey Joe

Joe Mayes NFL

After the fight on Saturday, and after Brock Lesnar went all “WWE” on the whole night, Dana White showed just how smart of a businessman he is. He all but admitted that he knew the biggest fight on the planet would be Lesnar v. Fedor, and that if he wanted his guy to be known as the greatest in the world - he had to beat Fedor .. who most of us fans consider the greatest in the world.

After the fight, White came out and made a few comments pointed in that general direction.

“This Fedor thing has gone on and on and on,” White said in the post-UFC 100 press conference. “Eventually, Fedor’s going to be here. I want Fedor. I want him to come to the UFC and everything else. (-Dana White after UFC100.)

So far, the negotiations to bring Fedor over have been stalled for two reason:

1.) UFC wants Fedor to stop fighting in his other events. White wants Fedor to stop fighting Sambo - the Russian event Fedor is the world champion in - as well as the other karate and ju-jitsu competitions he’s been fighting in. Fedor is basically unwilling to give up the rest of his comeptitions to fight in the UFC - because he believes he’s the best in the world and has nothing to prove.

2.) Fedor’s manager. His name is Vladimir Boris Czar T……. ok, it’s not that crazy. Anyway, Fedor’s manager has basically said that if White and the UFC want his client to fight there, they have to open a “UFC Chapter” in Russia (Hi. My name is Boris. I’ve been fighting for 3 months now…..) and put him in charge of it. (And you thought Drew Rosenhaus was bad!!)

The basic element is this: no one is going to acknowledge that Brock Lesnar is the best until he beats Fedor. No one is going to say Brock can beat Fedor until he .. well, until he beats Fedor. Dana White and Brock Lesnar both know this, and are both aware they’re going to have to make some concessions to make this fight happen - and that if it does, it will without a doubt produce the biggest and most profitable fighting event … maybe ever?

Well, except for the last time a Russian and American met in a big time, big name fight:

Lesnar/Fedor won't TOUCH this fight.....

-rb

Rob Brown General

So I’m searching around the innerwebs today getting ready for the show, and once again reading the message boards saying “now that Terrell Owens is gone, I KNOW we’re going to win the Superbowl!” and “Tony Romo is CLEARLY the best quarterback in the league - I LOVE Tony Romo!” (Ok, to be fair, I wasn’t actually reading Chris Collinsworth’s columns. But it seemed like it.)

Anyway, I stumbled across THIS piece of reporting.

According to a poll conducted by ESPN.com and reported by USA Today, the Cowboys are now officially the most despised team in the National Football League.

According to the poll, 36% of fans LOVE to see it when the Cowboys fail, as compared to only 34% who like to see the Patriots suffer. Those two are the runaway favorites as the Steelers only have 12% of fans rooting against them, while the Packers have 10% of the fans wanting them to lose and 9% hoping the Giants and Raiders fail.

However, the Patriots and Cowboys can take solace, as they remain the biggest bandwago….. I mean, the largest fanbases… in the league. The Cowboys have approximately 22% of the NFL fans in their backpocket. The Steelers are checking in just behind them at 20%, the Patriots are a distant third (11%,) and the Raiders find themselves in their best statistical category of all - fourth place with 9% of the fan base. (So Al Davis hasn’t run EVERYONE off. Sorry, Joe Mayes!)

-rb

Rob Brown General

Paul Finebaum!

Ok, I admit. I’ve knocked Paul Finebaum, and I’ve upheld Paul Finebaum. The guys shtick is nothing more than to say inflammatory things, and to get a rise out of us as college football fans. Traditionally, I ignore the guy, I move on, and it is what it is. But occassionally, his shtick works, and we bite the hook.

That, or he says something so outlandish for attention that we have to respond - for instance, calling Urban Meyer “megalomaniacal,” and saying he was a liar.

Now, before we move on, I’ve got to confess. Finebaum’s premise is that Urban Meyer will be leaving the University of Florida next year to attend. I actually agree with this. There’s too much coincidental information available that points to it being a possibility. Not a guarantee, but a possibility.

*Urban has an “out” in his contract that lets him get out - for free- If Notre Dame (or Michigan, or Ohio State for that matter) comes calling.
*You can say what you want, but Notre Dame is still Urban’s “dream job.” You don’t just “change” your dream job one day like that.
*Charlie Weiss got a one year extension. Notre Dame could’ve EASILY canned him and hired a new head coach, but they gave a 4-8/5-7/6-6 coach an extension despite the fact the fans wanted him out. Now, why would they do that - could it be because Urban Meyer has one more year considered a front runner with Tim Teb…….. Superman as his QB?

Anyway, here are some of the better quotes from the article, as written by PAUL FINEBAUM, NOT ROB BROWN. Ya know, just, FYI Gator fans……..

(btw: you can read the entire column here.)

Urban Meyer is probably leaving Florida after the season to go to Notre Dame. Meyer says he’s not going. He insists he loves it in Gainesville and has no intention of taking a position he once described as “my dream job.”

So how do I know Meyer is not telling the truth? Easy. Meyer’s lips moved when he denied the story.

Wow. That’s a little harsh. And, seriously, lawyers everywhere are gonna be FURIOUS you took their joke!!

….Meyer has become obsessed with success and power (see the blatant strong-arming of quarterback turned talk show host Shane Matthews). The lure of being “the man” at South Bend might be too intoxicating for him to turn down.

Wow. I agreed that Meyer handled the Shane Matthews situation wrong, but at the same time - wow. Harsh.

Meyer knows he dodged a bullet in the fourth quarter of the SEC title game last year. However, that wasn’t enough for the self-absorbed coach. Beating Saban once wasn’t enough. He needed to beat him a second time.

Why else do you think that leading up to the Sugar Bowl Meyer was burning up the Salt Lake City telephone towers to his one-time assistant Kyle Whittingham, helping construct the game plan that beat the Tide 31-17 in the Sugar Bowl?

SEC Commissioner Mike Slive just cracked down on league coaches accusing each other of cheating. Luckily for Meyer, he didn’t mention league coaches aiding and abetting out-of-league opponents in showcase BCS games.

Wait a miniute - didn’t Nick Saban tell us it was the Alabama fans’ fault they lost? So it’s actually YOUR fault, Mr. Finebaum. At least your coach told us. By the way: WEAKEST excuse for a butt-whooping EVER.

Had Meyer spent even a fraction of that time employing some sort of discipline program on his own campus, Florida wouldn’t be teetering on being completely out of control right now. In case you don’t own a police blotter — or have the DVD collection of the television series “COPS” — the Gators recently celebrated their 24th arrest since Meyer’s arrival.

Ok, I gotta admit - good line. Wrong, but a good line.

You can call Meyer lot of things. He’s arrogant.

He’s cold blooded. He recruits like a serial killer. But he’s not stupid.

Meyer doesn’t have to study history to understand that staying in Gainesville would be the wrong move. All he has to do is walk across the street from his office and ask Billy Donovan.

Billy Who? Following an exhaustive search, I discovered he’s still the head basketball coach at Florida. Remember, he’s the one who won back-to-back national titles, accepted and rejected a job with the Orlando Magic (who just lost in the NBA Finals) and hasn’t been seen since.

Hrm. Do with that one as you wish.

In one of the most anticipated battles of the upcoming season, USA Today’s sports analyst Danny Sheridan says Florida could be favored by as many as “25 to 27 points” for the Sept. 19 game between Lane Kiffin and Meyer at the Swamp. Florida could win by 50, that is if Meyer can get all of his starters out on parole by then.

And, ladies and gentlemen, the art of the “parting shot.” THAT’S how its’ done - passed on by the art of the grand master of “wow, really dawg?” himself.

Anyway, enjoy it as you wish!

rb

Rob Brown General

Alright boys and girls - it’s been requested, and now it’s time! Another listener lunch has hit the pipes!

Friday, July 10th, we’re going to be meeting at T.R. Frog’s in Bluewater Bay. We’ll be meeting around 11:30, and it’s Dutch treat - pay for your own. (Sorry guys - I’m in college or I’d pick up the tab!!)

T.R.’s has bar and grill food, and we’re going to have a blast, so come on out! Can’t wait to see you all there!!

-rb

Rob Brown General